Working with couples via telehealth requires additional efforts to create a space of empathy and understanding. The activities below help slow things down to create a clear line of communication, a space for understanding, and an environment for repair. Bringing these activities into a session helps partners ground themselves to stay present during vulnerable conversations, fostering connection as they listen with openness, curiosity, and empathy, rather than defense.
1. Active listening exchange
Helping partners slow down to truly hear one another is one of the simplest, yet most powerful exercises couples therapists can use. Begin by encouraging one partner to speak for a few minutes about a current experience or emotion while the other partner listens with curiosity and without interrupting. Once complete, the listener then reflects back what they heard, checking for understanding by saying, “What I heard you say is…” or confirming with, “Did I get that right?” The listening partner can elevate the conversation by asking, “Is there anything I missed that you’d like me to understand?”
This exercise shifts the focus from simply listening to responding to listening as a means of understanding. Starting this exercise can feel unnatural for partners, as it goes beyond everyday conversation normalities, so using prompts like, “Tell your partner one thing that’s been on your mind lately,” or “Share something you’ve been fearful of bringing up”. While this can bring initial discomfort, remind each speaker and listener that the goal is not agreement, but rather to be heard and to feel empathy.
2. Digital emotion word wheel practice
An emotion wheel helps partners visualize their emotions beyond broad labels like “happy” or “angry” to understand what’s happening beneath the surface. When working with couples via telehealth, you can bring this visualization into session by sending the couple a digital copy to reference and bring to session together (or if the couple prefers, via screen share).
Using the “Feelings Wheel” begins with inviting each partner to identify a primary emotion they experience (happy, sad, angry, fearful, disgusted, bad, surprised), then name a more specific underlying emotion as referenced on the wheel. For example, “I’m angry because I feel let down.” This visualization practice helps build emotional awareness and helps partners clearly express needs rather than feeling frustrated, which often leads to defensiveness. When used consistently, the emotion wheel has the opportunity to shift reactive emotional patterns into opportunities of curiosity, compassion, and understanding.
3. The daily temperature check
One of my favorite exercises to introduce to couples is the "temperature check.” This brief yet powerful check-in is an excellent way to build emotional awareness, vulnerability, and connection between the couple. Partners are given the opportunity to rate their “temperature” from 1 through 10 (1 = emotionally unavailable to 10 = overwhelmed) and to share one factor influencing their rating. For example, “I’m a 5 today because I feel pretty calm about everything” or “I’m a 8 today because I feel behind at work.”
This exercise invites partners to practice active listening and reflection outside of therapy problem-solving, incorporating a way to attune to one another rather than trying to “fix” any emotions. Encourage couples to incorporate this into their daily routine, whether while getting ready for the day or winding down at night. Reminding couples that consistency helps prevent miscommunication can keep the partners present and emotionally connected.
